The Road to my Independence…

And boy, did it take some work!

This is probably one of my favorite Holidays to celebrate. Seriously, what can be more important than to celebrate freedom? I love seeing people getting together and celebrating the feeling of joy, thankfulness and accomplishment that independence brings. But the main reason I love this day is because I also celebrate the independence from my false self.  And boy, did it take some work!

 

Dictionary.com defines independence as:

1. the state or quality of being independent.

2. freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like, of others.

I remember questioning myself, sitting in yet another empowering workshop, why was I not happy with my life if “everything looks fine”? I mean I didn’t experience any “real” pain accordingly to society; not sexually or physically abused, not a victim of a major illness, not a foster child, you name it.  But yet I was feeling lonely, in pain, and constantly used by everyone. I cannot remember when I decided to become nice to everyone and lose my independence. My parents divorced when I was 6 years old and I remember somehow telling myself  “I better be nice, so my mother won’t leave me like my father did”. Since that moment, I worked really hard in being “nice” to everyone in all areas of my life, and obviously, this resulted in lots of anger, resentfulness, and lost of my voice. I was a complete victim expecting to be saved by someone.

You can imagine what happened next, right? I attracted all kind of people to my life. I attracted the abuser, so I had very long codependent and abusive relationships. I attracted the rescuer, and got the opportunity to polish my victim persona making it even worse. And finally, I attracted another victim into my life.  All of these relationships were controlling, disrespectful and very exhausting.  When life gave me the opportunity to make decisions or take responsibility, immediately I would find a way of putting the responsibility back on the other person and somehow making them feel guilty or frustrated. I made sure people in my life, other than my family, would take advantage of me in one way or another, so that I could prove to myself I had reasons to suffer and be a victim. I was trapped in the game of rather be right than happy!!

I knew my feelings were real and I was determined to find out the roots of my pain and put a solution to it.  It was after almost 10 years of working with myself and trying to find an answer to all these pains, that I understood I was bringing that to myself. When I truly was able to see the high cost I was paying for not taking responsibility of my life, right there, I felt the transformation.

I started to work towards my independence taking “risks” in being vulnerable and choosing and trying new, better and healthier ways to act. I worked in discovering who I really was, accepting my gifts, knowing and honoring my values so that I can always present my authentic self in all areas of my life. For the first time the phrase “taking responsibility of your own life” sunk on me. I realized I had been the cause for the life I was living. Thanks to this work, everything started to make sense and realized I can truly be the creator of the life I want to live. Today, I enjoy sharing my voice with the people in my life, I spend my time in things that I want to do and are important to me. The relationships that I have with people are deeper, real and without attachment. Today I definitely enjoy my life smiling and laughing very, very often. Today I celebrate MY Own Independence!!

 

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